A Trapdoor In The Sun

These two guys have been rearing their ugly heads in my life the last week or so and I've been trying to decide how best to handle them. You see, I believe that I've really battled fear and insecurity since I was young. It's almost as if I expect bad things to happen and I'm trying to mentally prepare for the shock. For instance, when I was 21, I worked myself sick during college. I got so bent out of shape that I couldn't work anymore. I spent almost a month broke and feeling sorry for myself, lying in bed trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I was achy, felt awful, and my head was spacey. I ended up going to the hospital and having a battery of tests ran on me... nothing abnormal being discovered. Finally, I had my sister come pick me up and I spent the next two months recovering at home with my family. That moment seemed like such an utter failure to me. I had to drop out of school. I had to leave my best friends and our awesome apartment that had really ...

I was listening to this earlier on my iPhone. I really, truly, love this song. I can't put it into words. It's very simple and childlike. When I listen to the words, I fall back to a simpler time as a kid growing up in Florida. We would take these trips to Walt Disney World every couple of years for our vacation. I remember the long drive back home, late at night, after a long day in the Magic Kingdom. My sister Jennifer and I would lay down in the back of the parent's AMC station wagon and watch the starry night sky through the back window. I remember how good the cool summer breeze felt coming through the cracked windows. I recall falling asleep on the long drive home, trying to pick out Orion and the Big Dipper from a black-blue sky full of gems and rhinestones. I miss those days. I miss not having to worry about bills or making it to work on time. Everything seemed perfect. I roll the window down And then begin to breathe in The darkest country road And the stro...